Can’t They All Be Winners?

I’m watching the Cliburn competition, and have been for a few weeks now. It started with 30 pianists and has now been whittled down to 6. The musicianship has been amazing. I can’t imagine learning as much music as these young players learn … and aside from the new work all must be played by memory (and many of the musicians memorized the new work as well). I watch their fingers and I’m mesmerized. I’m in awe. I’m humbled. And I want to choose every one of them for first prize. Tomorrow night, after the final three performances, the top prizes will be handed out. Sometimes I can’t even watch, it makes me so nervous!

I really struggle with competitions. I don’t like comparing Joe to John, Jane to Jill. I just want to enjoy each one for who they are and what they do. I know the competitions help with the musicians’ careers, but I’m more of a “can’t they all be winners?” as my subject header reads.

I struggle with auditions, too. I always feel so happy for the person who wins, but I ache for all the rest. Of course we can only choose one. And so it goes.

When I was younger and living at home my family sometimes watched football together. We girls watched mainly for the marching band if it was college football (and that’s mostly what we watched back then). When it came to teams I remember we usually chose a favorite, but if that team started winning a bit too much my mother would change her team and cheer the losing team on.

I guess I learned to hate the whole winning/losing thing from her!

Hello No One

I was looking over this site to see when I posted a particular image (turns out I didn’t post it here: I guess it was only on Google+, which is long gone). My, it’s been a long time since I’ve visited the pattyo!

So here we are … okay … here I am, anyway, as I doubt anyone else sees these (if you do, drop me a line!) … and I still don’t quite know what to do with this particular blog. If someone reads it I’d be flabbergasted (now I have to look up that word!). Mostly it’s just here because it holds some past events that I might want to revisit. (I was thinking about the entries I wrote when my mom died because a friend is in the process of saying goodbye to her mom now.) The history of entries … ah yes! I was reading some things and have NO recollection of the events. It’s just so crazy how that happens. I wrote about a concert I was sight reading because they changed the rehearsal with notifying me: you’d THINK I’d remember that! But nope. Don’t remember the concert. Don’t remember things being changed and my missing the one and only rehearsal. How weird is that?

Of course that makes me wonder: am I losing my memory? That’s something we senior citizens do worry about!

But as I’m typing this I’m thinking, “Maybe I should start a habit of writing here, just as a creative exercise (or not so creative sometimes) to keep my brain going. Hm. It’s a thought.

Which I very well might forget by tomorrow. 🤪

A Good Reminder

I’ve been in a bit of a funk recently. But tonight Dan and I watched an Anthony Bourdain episode on Manila.

I need to be reminded, sadly, of just how easy a life I have, I guess. I’m so humbled by what people there have had to do: leaving home, including leaving children, in order to make enough money to support a family. Living away from a home they love for the majority of their lives. Living with so little. But so many smiles. So much love.

I have no right to whine.

Facebook Free … But Not For Long

It’s been interesting to be Facebook Free for a short while. I know, though, that I’ll be going back. I guess Facebook just has me in its grip.

Truth be told, I’m going back for some not-so-fun reasons, especially this first one: a friend just recently announced she has cancer. So far she doesn’t have all the info she needs, as they are having to figure things out, but I want to be able to keep up to date with her. In addition, I feel the need to know more about my work situation and I’m hoping to connect with colleagues on the “Freeway Philharmonic” page about that.

Plus, I know there are some that tell me they want to see my flower photos. And I like to share them. Since people are so very hesitant (i.e. they simply won’t do it!) to check out my photography site, I guess I really do want to be able to share “my” flowers. (Not really mine, right?)

Meanwhile … I want to be careful to disconnect for a wee bit longer, just to say I did it. Perhaps a week will do. (Will I really last that long?!)

And now it’s time for my walk. Ever since Covid began I’ve found walking with a camera to be less than pleasant. It has become, in fact, rather cumbersome. I’m trying, though, to head out with the camera every so often, just so I don’t forget how to “see” through the lens. I think today might be a camera day, as it appears the wind isn’t too bad. Besides, I’ve read walking with a backpack is good for my health … a bit of extra weight. (My body sure doesn’t need extra weight, though: Covid has caused added pounds … and don’t you love how we blame Covid on any issues we now have? Such a good excuse for over eating! Argh!

Since I’m using this blog now (Will it last? Who knows?! No one reads it, so there’s that.) Have a flower … one I’ll share elsewhere as well.

Purple & Orange Iris, 4.26.18


I just realized I had a few followers here, none of whom I recognized. One, though, had the word “knife” in her blog name, so I thought perhaps it was an oboe player. (Yes, it’s a stretch, but I’m good at stretching.)


I clicked on the blog. It was a bunch of nude photos.

Time to clear my cache.


Well yes, I’m still alive. Thanks for asking.

Hah! I realize there is no one reading who COULD ask. I’m just being silly.

But I need a place to write, now that I’ve deactivated Facebook for a while. I’m guessing I’ll end up back there — I miss some friends that I ONLY see there. But it’s a good break to take, I think. I’ve wondered if I should take a break from Twitter as well. I really don’t know that these things are healthy places to be. Instagram is really sort of a “nothing” place: I don’t actually connect with anyone there. I just post my photos.

Speaking of photos … I do wonder if I’m wasting time making them. I have a few friends who sometimes say, “I’m going to buy something from you!” But they actually never do. I wonder if I’m supposed to interpret what they say as, “I really would like you to give me something!” Dunno.

BUT .., mostly I’m here to vent about ME. About my stupid behavior. About my inability to keep my mouth shut (or fingers still, when it comes to email). Why must I tell someone something that she didn’t really need to know? Why do I open my big mouth? I find me rather despicable, to be honest. Maybe this is why I’m happiest when I’m in hermit mode and don’t contact anyone. At least then I can’t do something I later despise!

Okay … whining over ‘n out.

Dear me,

Thanks for listening. Now CHANGE.

Somewhat fondly but mostly frustratingly,

My Country

Oh what a sad, sad week that was. Our Capitol invaded. So many in Congress failing to stand up for what is right. What have we become? Or have we been this way all along and only now is the truth becoming more obvious? I wonder.

Even people who share the same faith I have have horrified me by things they write. I think that’s what cuts the deepest. I don’t know what to do with this. So I’m pondering and puzzling and aching. All at the same time.