Weary and Worn

Today it’s hitting me: while the vaccine is out for some, it’s not for me for a number of months. Nothing will change in my life for quite some time. I’m still home. I still can’t travel. I have to wear a mask when I go out. And I’m just weary.

In addition, I’m still struggling with the idea of what being a friend means. When someone says or does something tremendously harsh and ends with “I love you,” I simply don’t know how to process that. Currently I’m just feeling somewhat betrayed.

But life goes on. For now at least. Honestly, I’m rather ready for death. I’ve done all I need to do: my kids are raised and are doing well on their own. I’m married to someone so very independent I know he’ll be absolutely fine without me. There truly is no one who needs me at all.

Then again, I want to travel! It’s rather difficult to do that when one is ashes!

So … well … okay … never mind about that death bit for now. Guess I’ll try to do my best to stay healthy and be patient for my vaccine moment(s).